One of the worse things that can happen to a man in a romantic or marital relationship is to be the victim of the 'happening relationship'.
For women, a relationship is always a dynamic 'happening' thing. Meaning that from their perspective, something is always happening in the relationship. Even if nothing noticeable is happening externally, something goes on in their minds and imaginations. A man can never be sure what it is that is going on in their minds. And the worst part of it is that, if something good or great is not happening in the relationship, the only other alternative is that something bad is happening. At least, that is how it is in the minds of most women.
Thus, there may be a very stable relationship, in which the man thinks both of them know where they stand, what is expected of them and that they are completely committed to each other. A man may go on quietly and happily fulfilling his part of the bargain - working hard, bringing home the bread, providing his woman with money, taking her to dinners and parties, doing his bit around the house, even doing and providing exactly what she has said she wants. And during this seemingly stable and steady domestic life, something turbulent could be brewing in the woman's mind and heart. She could be imagining that he no longer loves her or that she is no longer in love with him; she could think that he is neglecting her or taking her for granted or not valuing her enough or not doing enough for her; she could be wondering if he is having an affair or if she should have an affair; she might be questioning if he still finds her attractive and at the same time, critically evaluating him. The poor man may think that he is in a strong, steady relationship and that it is okay for him to sometimes not dress properly in the privacy of his own home, or sometimes show her his hairy ass, or kiss her with bad breath, or reveal his weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. Where as, the woman would be noticing and taking note of all these factors, and weighing them up in her constant evaluation of the relationship and her own life.
Thus, one fine day, out of the blue, the man is told that she is no longer in love with him, or that she no longer finds him attractive, or that she has been having an affair with someone, or that she is in love with somebody else, or that she wants to leave him. The poor guy never sees it coming. It takes time for the news to sink in, and the guy never fully learns what went wrong. Men think logically, where as there is often not much logic in the thoughts and actions of women. So, the man might try to logically understand why she did what she did, but he'd just fail at it, ending up feeling miserable, broken-hearted and losing a lot (especially if they were married and it ends in a divorce).
The end-scenarios I described above happen pretty often. I have noticed married women having affairs, while their husbands went about living the married life thinking that everything was fine in their family and home.
The unexpected, unknown and never understood "happening" in the mind/imagination of the woman, takes place in almost every romantic relationship out there. Every man is its victim at one time or the other. The end-result may not be the same as the ones I have described above - the woman may not always do something so drastic and dramatic as break the relationship or have an affair. But what happens most often is for the woman to be bitchy, moody, unhappy, complaining, nagging, arguing, fighting, uncooperative for no reason that the guy can fathom. How many men have not had to deal with this in a relationship?
The worst part is that, there is simply nothing a guy can do to avoid these things... except to avoid a steady romantic relationship itself. I mean, this "happening" in the mind of the woman, takes place no matter what the circumstances of the couple are. They may be rich or poor, healthy or ill, educated or uneducated, young or old, have kids or not, be married or not, the guy may be good or bad, he could be caring or not, he might provide all she wants or he might not. It just doesn't matter. The active imagination of the woman will see something or the other 'happening' in the relationship. And like I said, if the something that's happening is not positive or a happy thing, then it automatically defaults to being a negative and unhappy thing. As far as a relationship is concerned, there is no neutral ground in a woman's mind.
Have you been a victim of A happening relationship? Or do you know of someone who is? Leave a comment.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Experienced Vs Non-experienced guys
The following is from an Internet message board conversation. It italicized part is three levels of previous dialog. That is followed by my response.
:::Speaking of...
: : : Given a choice would girls prefer a guy who is a virgin or someon who is experienced? [downside-an experienced guy would always be thinking of other women he has slept with]
: : : My mind is not working today.Hence this utterly cheesy topic.
: : Why don't get the ball rolling by saying what you prefer?
:
: Let me think. Romantically it would be great to be with a guy who is losing his virginity to you. I think he will be more faithful. He will make a better husband.
:
: I would be cautious of guys who have been promiscuois before. God knows how many woemen thry have slpet with before you. It talks a lot about their nature too, that they are probably philanderes. Not to be trusted with marriage. But then, on the positive side they would probably be slightly better in bed.
: So if you wnat to just screw aruound and have fun-go for the non-virgin guys. If you want to marry and settel down-go for the simple virgins.
Y CHROMOSOME answers:
THIS IS CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF HOW A WOMAN IMPOSES HER OWN FEMALE ATTITUDES AND NATURE ON MEN. THE STATEMENTS I HAVE BOLDED ABOVE ARE FALSE FOR MEN IN GENERAL (THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS, OF COURSE). HOWEVER, THE BOLDED STATEMENTS ARE ALL TRUE FOR WOMEN. SINCE YOU ARE A WOMAN, YOU ARE IMPOSING YOUR OWN NATURE ON MEN, AND GETTING IT TOTALLY WRONG. WOMEN ALWAYS DO THIS MISTAKE.
YOU SAID: experienced guy would always be thinking of other women he has slept with
MEN CAN'T MULTI-TASK. THEY USUALLY CAN'T DO IT EVEN IN THOUGHTS. THAT IS THE REASON WHY IF YOU GO OUT WITH A MAN WHO IS NOT TOO INTERESTED IN YOU, IT IS VERY OBVIOUS. IT IS ALSO VERY OBVIOUS WHEN A MAN CHECKS OUT OTHER WOMEN, WHEN HE IS WITH YOU. HE CAN'T MULTI-TASK AND KEEP YOU HUMORED, WHILE HIS MIND AND EYES WANDER.
ON THE OTHER HAND, A WOMAN CAN GO OUT MANY TIMES WITH A MAN SHE IS REALLY NOT INTERESTED IN. AND, SHE CAN ACT IN SUCH A WAY THAT NOBODY WOULD KNOW FOR SURE THAT SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN HIM. SHE CAN ALSO CHECK OUT ALL THE OTHER MEN IN THE ROOM WITHOUT THE GUY KNOWING IT.
THE SAME LOGIC APPLIES TO SEX. WOMEN ARE OFTEN MORE GUILTY OF HAVING EXTERNAL FANTASIES DURING SEX, THAN MEN.
YOU WROTE THIS ABOUT A GUY WHO HAS NOT SLEPT WITH OTHERS AND WILL LOSE HIS VIRGINITY WITH YOU: I think he will be more faithful. He will make a better husband.
ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT TRUE. THE CHANCES OF STRAYING BY A GUY WHO HAS HAD PRIOR EXPERIENCE, BUT TRULY LOVES YOU, IS MUCH MUCH LESSER THAN THE GUY WHO HAS HAD NO EXPERIENCE BEFORE. BY NATURE, MEN WANT TO HAVE VARIED EXPERIENCES. SO, A GUY WHO HAS HAD LESS PRIOR EXPERIENCES IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCUMB TO TEMPTATION, THAN THE ONE WHO HAS HAD MORE EXPERIENCE.
WOMEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE DIFFERENT. A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN LOOSE IN THE PAST, IS MORE LIKELY TO BE LOOSE IN THE FUTURE. WOMEN WHO LOSE THEIR CONTROL ONCE, ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO LOSE IT AGAIN BECAUSE THE VALUE OF THE CONTROL WOULD HAVE DIMINISHED OR DISAPPEARED FROM THEIR MINDS. FOR WOMEN, ONCE BITTEN, NO MORE SHY.
YOU WROTE ABOUT EXPERIENCED MEN: But then, on the positive side they would probably be slightly better in bed.
IT IS NOT NECESSARILY TRUE THAT EXPERIENCED MEN ARE BETTER THAN THOSE WITH NO EXPERIENCE. A BAD MALE LOVER MAY BE BAD NO MATTER HOW MANY EXPERIENCES HE HAS. THERE MAY BE SOME GUYS WHO START OUT BEING GOOD LOVERS, BUT THEN DETERIORATE OVER A PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO VARIOUS FACTORS - LACK OF ENTHUSIASM, BAD HEALTH, OLD AGE, CYNICISM, GETTING MECHANICAL ABOUT IT, ETC. AND I SUSPECT THAT THERE ARE ALSO GUYS ARE PRETTY GOOD LOVERS FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME. IN GENERAL, YOU WILL HAVE MORE FUN WITH A RELATIVELY LESS EXPERIENCED GUY, WHO IS CONSIDERATE, WANTS TO PLEASE AND IS WILLING TO LEARN.
BUT WHAT YOU SAID HOLDS TRUE FOR WOMEN. WOMEN WITH MORE EXPERIENCE ARE DEFINITELY BETTER THAN THOSE WITH LESS EXPERIENCE, WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. THE MORE EXPERIENCE A WOMAN HAS, THE BETTER SKILLED SHE BECOMES. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. THERE ARE ONLY FEW EXCEPTIONS WHO DON'T LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE OR GET WORSE.
FINALLY, A RULE OF THUMB: IT IS USUALLY BETTER FOR A WOMAN TO MARRY THE FIRST GUY SHE SLEEPS WITH, AND IT IS ALWAYS BETTER FOR A MAN TO MARRY THE LAST WOMAN HE HAS SLEPT WITH.
HOPE THAT HELPS.
:::Speaking of...
: : : Given a choice would girls prefer a guy who is a virgin or someon who is experienced? [downside-an experienced guy would always be thinking of other women he has slept with]
: : : My mind is not working today.Hence this utterly cheesy topic.
: : Why don't get the ball rolling by saying what you prefer?
:
: Let me think. Romantically it would be great to be with a guy who is losing his virginity to you. I think he will be more faithful. He will make a better husband.
:
: I would be cautious of guys who have been promiscuois before. God knows how many woemen thry have slpet with before you. It talks a lot about their nature too, that they are probably philanderes. Not to be trusted with marriage. But then, on the positive side they would probably be slightly better in bed.
: So if you wnat to just screw aruound and have fun-go for the non-virgin guys. If you want to marry and settel down-go for the simple virgins.
Y CHROMOSOME answers:
THIS IS CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF HOW A WOMAN IMPOSES HER OWN FEMALE ATTITUDES AND NATURE ON MEN. THE STATEMENTS I HAVE BOLDED ABOVE ARE FALSE FOR MEN IN GENERAL (THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS, OF COURSE). HOWEVER, THE BOLDED STATEMENTS ARE ALL TRUE FOR WOMEN. SINCE YOU ARE A WOMAN, YOU ARE IMPOSING YOUR OWN NATURE ON MEN, AND GETTING IT TOTALLY WRONG. WOMEN ALWAYS DO THIS MISTAKE.
YOU SAID: experienced guy would always be thinking of other women he has slept with
MEN CAN'T MULTI-TASK. THEY USUALLY CAN'T DO IT EVEN IN THOUGHTS. THAT IS THE REASON WHY IF YOU GO OUT WITH A MAN WHO IS NOT TOO INTERESTED IN YOU, IT IS VERY OBVIOUS. IT IS ALSO VERY OBVIOUS WHEN A MAN CHECKS OUT OTHER WOMEN, WHEN HE IS WITH YOU. HE CAN'T MULTI-TASK AND KEEP YOU HUMORED, WHILE HIS MIND AND EYES WANDER.
ON THE OTHER HAND, A WOMAN CAN GO OUT MANY TIMES WITH A MAN SHE IS REALLY NOT INTERESTED IN. AND, SHE CAN ACT IN SUCH A WAY THAT NOBODY WOULD KNOW FOR SURE THAT SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN HIM. SHE CAN ALSO CHECK OUT ALL THE OTHER MEN IN THE ROOM WITHOUT THE GUY KNOWING IT.
THE SAME LOGIC APPLIES TO SEX. WOMEN ARE OFTEN MORE GUILTY OF HAVING EXTERNAL FANTASIES DURING SEX, THAN MEN.
YOU WROTE THIS ABOUT A GUY WHO HAS NOT SLEPT WITH OTHERS AND WILL LOSE HIS VIRGINITY WITH YOU: I think he will be more faithful. He will make a better husband.
ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT TRUE. THE CHANCES OF STRAYING BY A GUY WHO HAS HAD PRIOR EXPERIENCE, BUT TRULY LOVES YOU, IS MUCH MUCH LESSER THAN THE GUY WHO HAS HAD NO EXPERIENCE BEFORE. BY NATURE, MEN WANT TO HAVE VARIED EXPERIENCES. SO, A GUY WHO HAS HAD LESS PRIOR EXPERIENCES IS MORE LIKELY TO SUCCUMB TO TEMPTATION, THAN THE ONE WHO HAS HAD MORE EXPERIENCE.
WOMEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE DIFFERENT. A WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN LOOSE IN THE PAST, IS MORE LIKELY TO BE LOOSE IN THE FUTURE. WOMEN WHO LOSE THEIR CONTROL ONCE, ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO LOSE IT AGAIN BECAUSE THE VALUE OF THE CONTROL WOULD HAVE DIMINISHED OR DISAPPEARED FROM THEIR MINDS. FOR WOMEN, ONCE BITTEN, NO MORE SHY.
YOU WROTE ABOUT EXPERIENCED MEN: But then, on the positive side they would probably be slightly better in bed.
IT IS NOT NECESSARILY TRUE THAT EXPERIENCED MEN ARE BETTER THAN THOSE WITH NO EXPERIENCE. A BAD MALE LOVER MAY BE BAD NO MATTER HOW MANY EXPERIENCES HE HAS. THERE MAY BE SOME GUYS WHO START OUT BEING GOOD LOVERS, BUT THEN DETERIORATE OVER A PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO VARIOUS FACTORS - LACK OF ENTHUSIASM, BAD HEALTH, OLD AGE, CYNICISM, GETTING MECHANICAL ABOUT IT, ETC. AND I SUSPECT THAT THERE ARE ALSO GUYS ARE PRETTY GOOD LOVERS FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME. IN GENERAL, YOU WILL HAVE MORE FUN WITH A RELATIVELY LESS EXPERIENCED GUY, WHO IS CONSIDERATE, WANTS TO PLEASE AND IS WILLING TO LEARN.
BUT WHAT YOU SAID HOLDS TRUE FOR WOMEN. WOMEN WITH MORE EXPERIENCE ARE DEFINITELY BETTER THAN THOSE WITH LESS EXPERIENCE, WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. THE MORE EXPERIENCE A WOMAN HAS, THE BETTER SKILLED SHE BECOMES. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. THERE ARE ONLY FEW EXCEPTIONS WHO DON'T LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE OR GET WORSE.
FINALLY, A RULE OF THUMB: IT IS USUALLY BETTER FOR A WOMAN TO MARRY THE FIRST GUY SHE SLEEPS WITH, AND IT IS ALWAYS BETTER FOR A MAN TO MARRY THE LAST WOMAN HE HAS SLEPT WITH.
HOPE THAT HELPS.
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