The best way to approach a strange guy or girl you are interested in, is to make friendly small talk.
It is as simple as that. Yet, it is amazing how many people don't realize this simple thing. Most of what is written below is applicable to the cases where the guy and the girl barely know each other. If the guy and girl already know each other, as friends or colleagues for example, things may be quite different.
We have all faced situations where we come across near-strangers whom we find attractive. Despite all our mental evolution, we are still very instinctual beings. Our instincts and emotions tell us that we like someone and want to be closer to them, long before we actually know them personally. Now, it should flow logically that the first step towards getting closer to someone is to get to know them better, and the first step to get to know someone better is to simply talk to them, and talk to them a lot, right? Yet, when it comes to romantic interest, our logical faculties seem to take a backseat!
From the time I was just a kid in school, I have seen so many guys try to figure out how they can approach a person they are interested in, but barely know. I have been one of those guys too. The typical approach Indian guys come up with: have their friend inform the girl about their interest, tell one of the girl's girlfriends and ask her to pass on the message, give her a love-letter declaring their undying love, and if not all that, eve-tease the girl! Unbelievable as it may seem, there are many misguided guys who eve-tease a girl, when all they want to do is express their romantic interest in her! And, a love-letter declaring undying love to someone you barely know is quite silly. Almost the same things happen when a girl wants to approach a guy she barely knows... except for the teasing part.
Indian guys and girls should forget all those old-fashioned, awkward methods. They should first learn to just talk to each other nicely, even if they are almost-strangers. We are all good at talking to people we already know, who are already our friends. The challenge is to learn to talk easily and with humor to strangers or almost-strangers. Talking to someone without being all over them physically or emotionally, without asking them for dinner soon after the first "hi", without declaring undying love during the very first talk, is what we need to do.
When we start talking, we get to know each other better. When we get to know each other better, we get more comfortable. When we are more comfortable and at ease, we are in a better position to judge and act. When two people talk, signals invariably get exchanged on many levels. If we have our eyes and ears open, we know better what to do, where to take the conversation and the relationship.
So, if you like someone, just talk to them. That's all there is to it. Just talk first. Talk about neutral subjects. Talk about each other as two people getting to know each other. Share jokes and opinions. Don't talk of romance yet. Keep that for later, until after you know each other really well. When it is time to talk about getting involved with each other romantically, you will know. If the other person does not express much interest in even getting to know you better, you know there is no need to bring up anything romantic later on. You can close the case gracefully and move on.
Whether things ultimately work out like you want it or not, talking first helps. That is the key.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
How to approach a guy/girl? - Suggestion
Recently, someone had this question:
I am interested in a guy. He expresses interest in speaking to me. But i really dont know how to approach him. Shall I ask him directly whether he likes me? or shall I wait till he comes to me?Any ideas are appreciated.
He works with me. He is a nice guy, behaves well with evrybody. We both were working on the same project, so we talk very frequently. I always find a chance to talk to him.I love it.
Y CHROMOSOME answers:
Alright. Since you know him to some extent, you have two choices: the step-by-step approach or the direct approach.
If you want to take the direct approach, ask him out for coffee, lunch or dinner. He will get the signal loud and clear. Depending on how he reacts, you can take it further.
If you want to take the step-by-step approach, there is something called "taking it to the next level". I am not suggesting take it to the next-to-next level, or to the next-to-the-power-of-n level. Just take it to the next level.
It looks like right now, you guys are merely colleagues who are civil to each other and talk mostly (only?) in the office. So, the next level for you is to talk outside the office. In the cafeteria? Go out for lunch? Go to the local starbucks for coffee? Walk with him to the parking lot or to the bus station or to the local train station? You don't even have to ask him out for lunch or coffee. You don't have to ask to walk with him to the parking lot or wherever. You can time it such that you are both in the same place, at the same time, more frequently.
The key in the step-by-step approach - whether the person is colleague, acquaintance or almost a stranger - is to talk more and talk about more diverse matters, increasing it gradually. Somewhere during all that talking, clear signals will invariably get exchanged between two people. After that, matters will proceed further or stop. Until then, don't talk about "like", "love", "relationship", etc.
In general, talking about "like", "love", "relationship" and stuff like that before you really know a person well on a personal level, before you are at least good friends, is not recommended. Talking about liking at this stage, does not fit in the step-by-step approach. And it is not really a direct approach. It is a foolhardy, dive-in-blind approach.
I am interested in a guy. He expresses interest in speaking to me. But i really dont know how to approach him. Shall I ask him directly whether he likes me? or shall I wait till he comes to me?Any ideas are appreciated.
He works with me. He is a nice guy, behaves well with evrybody. We both were working on the same project, so we talk very frequently. I always find a chance to talk to him.I love it.
Y CHROMOSOME answers:
Alright. Since you know him to some extent, you have two choices: the step-by-step approach or the direct approach.
If you want to take the direct approach, ask him out for coffee, lunch or dinner. He will get the signal loud and clear. Depending on how he reacts, you can take it further.
If you want to take the step-by-step approach, there is something called "taking it to the next level". I am not suggesting take it to the next-to-next level, or to the next-to-the-power-of-n level. Just take it to the next level.
It looks like right now, you guys are merely colleagues who are civil to each other and talk mostly (only?) in the office. So, the next level for you is to talk outside the office. In the cafeteria? Go out for lunch? Go to the local starbucks for coffee? Walk with him to the parking lot or to the bus station or to the local train station? You don't even have to ask him out for lunch or coffee. You don't have to ask to walk with him to the parking lot or wherever. You can time it such that you are both in the same place, at the same time, more frequently.
The key in the step-by-step approach - whether the person is colleague, acquaintance or almost a stranger - is to talk more and talk about more diverse matters, increasing it gradually. Somewhere during all that talking, clear signals will invariably get exchanged between two people. After that, matters will proceed further or stop. Until then, don't talk about "like", "love", "relationship", etc.
In general, talking about "like", "love", "relationship" and stuff like that before you really know a person well on a personal level, before you are at least good friends, is not recommended. Talking about liking at this stage, does not fit in the step-by-step approach. And it is not really a direct approach. It is a foolhardy, dive-in-blind approach.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Some bitches would rather kill...
Women argue and fight because they can. No other logical reason or motivation. Given a choice between arguing for 2 hours, without reaching any understanding or conclusion, making everything much worse, and the better choice of shutting up for a couple of minutes to reach true understanding, most women will consistently choose the former.
Some bitches would rather kill a man with non-stop arguments and fights, than shut up for a few minutes. One such bitch made life hell for my paternal grandfather and ultimately killed him with her arguments and fights.
Some bitches would rather kill a man with non-stop arguments and fights, than shut up for a few minutes. One such bitch made life hell for my paternal grandfather and ultimately killed him with her arguments and fights.
Arguments and Relationships
Practically speaking, there is no place for arguments in any relationship. Most relationships which work in practical ways and sustain for a long time, have little or no arguments. Let me explain.
Definition of an argument: Any disagreement over a single topic, which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences is an argument.
Eg: Y & XX are a couple, who want to buy a new car. Here's their conversation on how much to spend on a new car:
Y: We can afford to buy a new car which costs $35,000.
XX: No, we can only afford a car which costs $25,000.
Y: I just got this pay raise, we can afford the installments for a 35K car.
XX: We are expecting a baby in 6 months. We can only afford $25K or less.
Now, if this conversation goes beyond these four back and forth sentences with neither party giving in nor agreeing, it is an argument.
There is one of three ways this conversation could end:
1. One of the two persons might understand the other's point of view, agree with it and accept it.
2. One of the two persons might decide to compromise and let the other person have their way, despite not agreeing. "Let's agree to disagree, but let's compromise and move forward" principle.
3. Neither person agrees with the other nor compromises, and the back and forth sentences continue.
No. 1 is the ideal ending. No. 2 is the pragmatic ending. No. 3 is the argument.
In most relationships which work - personal or business, No. 1 and No. 2 happen very often. They are pretty common in the business world. If no. 2 (compromise) happens more often than no. 1 (agreement), especially if one person compromises more often than the other, the relationship might not last very long. We all like to be in relationships in which we can agree with the other person, in which the other person validates us and supports us.
No. 3 (argument) usually leads to a troublesome relationship. It is extremely rare that a conversation which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences (i. e., turns into an argument) has a productive ending. More often than not, nobody agrees or accepts, and compromises are rare and gruding, if at all. In most cases, the compromises are vague, temporary, fragile, and turn into future landmines for the relationship.
As such, arguments are a big waste of time and energy. Precious time and energy which could have been used to achieve something more productive, in a better relationship. Arguments serve no practical purpose. In fact, they are extremely harmful to personal health and relationship health.
So, in any relationship, it is best not to argue at all. If a conversation goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences, simply surrender, move forward and put it totally out of your mind (no chance at all of using it as future ammunition), if you can. If you can't surrender or move on or put it out of your mind, simply pull out of the transaction or relationship.
Definition of an argument: Any disagreement over a single topic, which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences is an argument.
Eg: Y & XX are a couple, who want to buy a new car. Here's their conversation on how much to spend on a new car:
Y: We can afford to buy a new car which costs $35,000.
XX: No, we can only afford a car which costs $25,000.
Y: I just got this pay raise, we can afford the installments for a 35K car.
XX: We are expecting a baby in 6 months. We can only afford $25K or less.
Now, if this conversation goes beyond these four back and forth sentences with neither party giving in nor agreeing, it is an argument.
There is one of three ways this conversation could end:
1. One of the two persons might understand the other's point of view, agree with it and accept it.
2. One of the two persons might decide to compromise and let the other person have their way, despite not agreeing. "Let's agree to disagree, but let's compromise and move forward" principle.
3. Neither person agrees with the other nor compromises, and the back and forth sentences continue.
No. 1 is the ideal ending. No. 2 is the pragmatic ending. No. 3 is the argument.
In most relationships which work - personal or business, No. 1 and No. 2 happen very often. They are pretty common in the business world. If no. 2 (compromise) happens more often than no. 1 (agreement), especially if one person compromises more often than the other, the relationship might not last very long. We all like to be in relationships in which we can agree with the other person, in which the other person validates us and supports us.
No. 3 (argument) usually leads to a troublesome relationship. It is extremely rare that a conversation which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences (i. e., turns into an argument) has a productive ending. More often than not, nobody agrees or accepts, and compromises are rare and gruding, if at all. In most cases, the compromises are vague, temporary, fragile, and turn into future landmines for the relationship.
As such, arguments are a big waste of time and energy. Precious time and energy which could have been used to achieve something more productive, in a better relationship. Arguments serve no practical purpose. In fact, they are extremely harmful to personal health and relationship health.
So, in any relationship, it is best not to argue at all. If a conversation goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences, simply surrender, move forward and put it totally out of your mind (no chance at all of using it as future ammunition), if you can. If you can't surrender or move on or put it out of your mind, simply pull out of the transaction or relationship.
How to win an argument with a woman?
The only way for a man to win an argument with a woman is not to argue at all. Just leave and do what you want to do. That's all there is to it.
1. Men argue because they care. Women argue because they can.
2. Men's arguments are guided by logic. Women's arguments are governed by emotions.
For those two reasons, men can never talk and win an argument with a woman. So, the choices for men are pretty simple and obvious:
1. Men argue because they care. Women argue because they can.
2. Men's arguments are guided by logic. Women's arguments are governed by emotions.
For those two reasons, men can never talk and win an argument with a woman. So, the choices for men are pretty simple and obvious:
- Argue and lose the argument. PLUS, lose your sanity, honor and life.
- Shut up, surrender and lose the argument. The rest of it could go either way.
- Leave and do your own thing. Keep your sanity, honor and life intact.
Y CHROMOSOME
Y CHROMOSOME's is the uncompromising, unhibited, true MALE view of things. There are no assurances of being nice or decent. But there is certainly a promise to be true always.
The purpose of this blog is to be a Mirror for Men and a Microscope for Women. The mirror will help men to know and improve themselves as Men. The microscope will help women to see and understand men as Men.
The purpose of this blog is to be a Mirror for Men and a Microscope for Women. The mirror will help men to know and improve themselves as Men. The microscope will help women to see and understand men as Men.
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