How to approach a guy/girl? - Funda

The best way to approach a strange guy or girl you are interested in, is to make friendly small talk.

It is as simple as that. Yet, it is amazing how many people don't realize this simple thing. Most of what is written below is applicable to the cases where the guy and the girl barely know each other. If the guy and girl already know each other, as friends or colleagues for example, things may be quite different.

We have all faced situations where we come across near-strangers whom we find attractive. Despite all our mental evolution, we are still very instinctual beings. Our instincts and emotions tell us that we like someone and want to be closer to them, long before we actually know them personally. Now, it should flow logically that the first step towards getting closer to someone is to get to know them better, and the first step to get to know someone better is to simply talk to them, and talk to them a lot, right? Yet, when it comes to romantic interest, our logical faculties seem to take a backseat!

From the time I was just a kid in school, I have seen so many guys try to figure out how they can approach a person they are interested in, but barely know. I have been one of those guys too. The typical approach Indian guys come up with: have their friend inform the girl about their interest, tell one of the girl's girlfriends and ask her to pass on the message, give her a love-letter declaring their undying love, and if not all that, eve-tease the girl! Unbelievable as it may seem, there are many misguided guys who eve-tease a girl, when all they want to do is express their romantic interest in her! And, a love-letter declaring undying love to someone you barely know is quite silly. Almost the same things happen when a girl wants to approach a guy she barely knows... except for the teasing part.

Indian guys and girls should forget all those old-fashioned, awkward methods. They should first learn to just talk to each other nicely, even if they are almost-strangers. We are all good at talking to people we already know, who are already our friends. The challenge is to learn to talk easily and with humor to strangers or almost-strangers. Talking to someone without being all over them physically or emotionally, without asking them for dinner soon after the first "hi", without declaring undying love during the very first talk, is what we need to do.

When we start talking, we get to know each other better. When we get to know each other better, we get more comfortable. When we are more comfortable and at ease, we are in a better position to judge and act. When two people talk, signals invariably get exchanged on many levels. If we have our eyes and ears open, we know better what to do, where to take the conversation and the relationship.

So, if you like someone, just talk to them. That's all there is to it. Just talk first. Talk about neutral subjects. Talk about each other as two people getting to know each other. Share jokes and opinions. Don't talk of romance yet. Keep that for later, until after you know each other really well. When it is time to talk about getting involved with each other romantically, you will know. If the other person does not express much interest in even getting to know you better, you know there is no need to bring up anything romantic later on. You can close the case gracefully and move on.

Whether things ultimately work out like you want it or not, talking first helps. That is the key.