Arguments and Relationships

Practically speaking, there is no place for arguments in any relationship. Most relationships which work in practical ways and sustain for a long time, have little or no arguments. Let me explain.

Definition of an argument: Any disagreement over a single topic, which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences is an argument.

Eg: Y & XX are a couple, who want to buy a new car. Here's their conversation on how much to spend on a new car:

Y: We can afford to buy a new car which costs $35,000.
XX: No, we can only afford a car which costs $25,000.
Y: I just got this pay raise, we can afford the installments for a 35K car.
XX: We are expecting a baby in 6 months. We can only afford $25K or less.

Now, if this conversation goes beyond these four back and forth sentences with neither party giving in nor agreeing, it is an argument.

There is one of three ways this conversation could end:
1. One of the two persons might understand the other's point of view, agree with it and accept it.
2. One of the two persons might decide to compromise and let the other person have their way, despite not agreeing. "Let's agree to disagree, but let's compromise and move forward" principle.
3. Neither person agrees with the other nor compromises, and the back and forth sentences continue.

No. 1 is the ideal ending. No. 2 is the pragmatic ending. No. 3 is the argument.

In most relationships which work - personal or business, No. 1 and No. 2 happen very often. They are pretty common in the business world. If no. 2 (compromise) happens more often than no. 1 (agreement), especially if one person compromises more often than the other, the relationship might not last very long. We all like to be in relationships in which we can agree with the other person, in which the other person validates us and supports us.

No. 3 (argument) usually leads to a troublesome relationship. It is extremely rare that a conversation which goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences (i. e., turns into an argument) has a productive ending. More often than not, nobody agrees or accepts, and compromises are rare and gruding, if at all. In most cases, the compromises are vague, temporary, fragile, and turn into future landmines for the relationship.

As such, arguments are a big waste of time and energy. Precious time and energy which could have been used to achieve something more productive, in a better relationship. Arguments serve no practical purpose. In fact, they are extremely harmful to personal health and relationship health.

So, in any relationship, it is best not to argue at all. If a conversation goes beyond 4 back and forth sentences, simply surrender, move forward and put it totally out of your mind (no chance at all of using it as future ammunition), if you can. If you can't surrender or move on or put it out of your mind, simply pull out of the transaction or relationship.